NYSE Goes Public
Investors can now buy stock in the New York Stock exchange itself, as the NYSE went public Tuesday morning. Before that, the only way you could invest in a group of screaming white men was to make a donation to a Congressional campaign.

Paris Hilton Restraining Order
A California court has signed a restraining order against Paris Hilton, ordering her to stay at least 100 feet away from event producer Brian Quintana. As a result, millions of Americans are now trying to stay within 100 feet of Brian Quintana at all times.

Top 5 Ways to Stay 100 Feet Away from Paris Hilton

5) Just stay 100 feet away from any TV or newspaper reporters, and you'll be fine

4) Do something that's sure to frighten Hilton away, like read a book

3) Disguise yourself as Nicole Ritchie

2) Convince her that you've already slept together

1) Offer her something to eat

Cold Fusion Claim
A Purdue University professor claims he achieved cold fusion in his lab two years ago. But other scientists are skeptical of that claim, because if it were true, the oil companies would have killed him and destroyed all his research months ago.

Cheney's Promise
In a recent speech, Vice President Dick Cheney promised that Iran would never get nuclear weapons. He knows that because he's going on a hunting trip with their top physicist next week.

Enron Cross Examination
In the Enron trial, lawyers for Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling tried to destroy the credibility of star government witness Andy Fastow; saying he was "all about greed." That's opposed to Lay and Skilling, who are all about truth, justice, and saving orphaned puppies.

Bad Video
A new survey shows that 91% of women say videos like the "Girls Gone Wild" series perpetuate a negative stereotype of women. And 99% of men say: "That's the point!"

Spring Break Drinking
A new survey shows that 93% of women on spring break say they had friends who drank most days they were on break. And 99% of men say: "That's the point!"

Spring Break Drinking II
A new survey shows that 93% of women on spring break say they had friends who drank most days they were on break. And 99% of men say that's why they go on spring break.