Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Anna's Case
The Supreme Court heard arguments Tuesday in Anna Nicole Smith's legal battle to inherit part of her late husband's fortune. Justice Ginsburg asked the attorneys about jurisdiction, Justice Breyer asked for previous case opinions, and Justice Thomas asked if Smith would autograph his centerfold collection.

Top 5 Signs Anna Nicole Will Win Her Case

5) Workmen just installed a stripper's pole in Clarence Thomas' office

4) She's going to lend Justice Ginsburg her boobs for the weekend

3) If she wins, she probably won't do anymore reality shows

2) Justice Scalia is taking her duck hunting next month

1) This court has always shown a bias in favor of drunken Texans

Britney in NOLA
Britney Spears was in New Orleans to celebrate Mardi Gras Tuesday. Really, haven't the people there suffered enough already?

Mardi Gras on TV
CNN spent all Tuesday covering Mardi Gras, including several live interviews with the costumed partiers. I haven't seen this many clowns speaking on camera since the presidential debates.

Olmert on Hamas
Acting Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert says Hamas does not threaten Israel's existence... those bombs they keep setting off are a different story.

Coast Guard Warning
The Coast Guard now says that it does not have enough intelligence to decide whether Dubai's purchase of U.S. port operations is a threat. That's funny; I thought lack of intelligence was the White House's problem.

Iraqi Violence Subsides
The U.S. ambassador to Iraq says he believes the country is calming down now thanks to a three-day curfew. It turns out none of the Iraqis want to still be under curfew this spring and miss prom night.

Saddam's Hunger Strike Ends
The chief lawyer for Saddam Hussein said Monday that the former dictator has ended his 11-day hunger strike because of health reasons. Yeah apparently not eating for 11 days makes you sick.

Biggest Heist
Police say that the total take from a robbery of a Bank of England storage facility last week was $92 million, making it the world's biggest heist. But leading members of the U.S. Congress are reacting to by calling the thieves "amateurs.

Evolution Vote
The Utah House of Representatives voted down a bill intended to challenge the theory of evolution in high school science classes. That's because they don't teach the theory of evolution in any Utah high school science classes.


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