Scalia's "Idiots"
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said in a speech this week that people who think the Constitution is a living document are idiots. This coming from someone who was smart enough to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

Miller DQ'd
Heavy drinking U.S. Olympic skier Bode Miller was disqualified from the slalom event in Torino Tuesday. You'd think the slalom would be Miller's best event... that's the one where you don't even have to go in a straight line!

Hospital Reopens
Tulane University hospital reopened Tuesday for the first time since New Orleans was hit by Hurricane Katrina. So far, the only patients the hospital has seen are a bunch of FEMA bureaucrats being treated for impotency.

Charitable Kid
A 12-year-old Arkansas boy is getting a free trip to New York from George Steinbrenner after the young man passed up his dream of seeing a Yankee game and donated his $1,000 life savings to his school instead. It's a good thing he did that, because $1,000 isn't enough for a decent seat at Yankee Stadium anyway.

Baby Math
A new study shows that babies as young as seven months old have some math skills... mostly the skill of subtracting from their parents' savings accounts.

Haitian Vote Fraud
The frontrunner in the Haitian presidential elections is alleging massive vote fraud. Did I mention that this is coming from the guy who's winning? I guess you can't blame him... who the Hell would want to be the president of Haiti?

Anti-Hamas Plot
A new report says the U.S. and Israel are secretly plotting to remove Hamas from power in the Palestinian territories. Hamas leaders are so angry they plan to protest by not blowing themselves up for a whole week!

Saddam's on Strike
Saddam Hussein now says he's been on a hunger strike for the last three days to protest his trial. Most Iraqi citizens are responding by saying, "Only three days without food? Sounds pretty good!"