Top 5 Stupid Things President Bush Said at Coretta Scott King's Funeral

5) "I never marched in a civil rights rally, but thankfully I was always too drunk to participate in any lynchings."

4) "Thanks to Coretta and her husband, you now all have the right to vote... except in Florida and Ohio."

3) "No wonder Martin Luther King started the Protestant Reformation; he wanted to be a preacher and still marry this fine woman!"

2) "I wanted to talk about all I did for civil rights, but Oprah brought some of her new book fact-checking people here."

1) "Well that's one less person who's gonna protest my cuts to Medicare."

London Cleric Jailed
Abu Hamza al-Masri was sentenced to seven years in prison for using his sermons to incite murder and race hatred. After he gets out of jail, he's taking a job as a cartoonist at a Danish newspaper.

Divorce Stats
They say that most divorced couples break up for financial reasons. That's what happened to me; my ex-wife was screwing our accountant.

Holocaust Cartoon Contest
An Iranian newspaper is going to hold an open competition for people to submit cartoons belittling the Holocaust. The contest is outraging the paper's regular staff artists, who draw cartoons belittling the Holocaust every day.

GM Bonus Cuts
In a move to revitalize the company, General Motors has announced it will cut executive bonuses. In order to make up for their lost income, most GM execs plan to moonlight for Toyota.

GM Bonus Cuts II
In a move to revitalize the company, General Motors has announced it will cut executive bonuses. This is shocking news for experts who can't believe anyone at GM is still getting a bonus.

Low Fat Diet Report
A shocking new report shows that women who switched to a low-fat diet did not see a reduced risk of breast cancer, colorectal cancer or heart disease. But they did see a reduced risk of their husbands continuing to call them "fat ass."