Cartoon Protests
Angry Muslims worldwide continue to protest cartoons in a Danish newspaper that offended them by torching European embassies. Of course the best way to protest cartoons that offend you is to drop an anvil on the head of the cartoonist.

Top 5 Surprises in President Bush's $2.7 Trillion Budget

5) Only $1 trillion will be used to hire defense lawyers for indicted members of the Bush administration

4) Cuts Medicare, Medicaid, and the senior citizens discount at Denny's

3) $500 billion going to pay for wiretapping cell phones that had gone over their monthly air time minutes

2) Only 10% of it goes to pay for gas for Air Force One

1) The biggest cost: Paying the workers at the U.S. mint to print 2.7 trillion singles

Lance and Sheryl Break Up
Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow are breaking up. The relationship ended because Sheryl wanted to get married but Lance didn't have the balls.

Lance and Sheryl Break Up II
Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow are breaking up. They couldn't get married because Lance failed the blood test.

Gonzales Under Fire
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was attacked by several U.S. Senators today over the warrantless phone tapping at the NSA. But Gonzales' was defended by a few Senators who thanked him for fighting terrorists, securing America, and not tapping their mistresses' phones.

Hollywood P.I. Charged
Hollywood private investigator Anthony Pellicano has been indicted for tapping phones to find embarrassing information about Sylvester Stallone. Wait a minute, who the Hell needs a private investigator to find embarrassing information about Sylvester Stallone?

King Service
At Monday's memorial service for Coretta Scott King, only one of her children gave a eulogy. More of them wanted to speak, but they weren't allowed to take any time away from Oprah.