Foiled Al Qaeda Plot
President Bush said Thursday that American anti-terrorist efforts helped thwart an al Qaeda plan to blow up the "Liberty Tower" in Los Angeles. It's an amazing story, one which would have been even more amazing if there were such a building called the "Liberty Tower" in Los Angeles.

Bush Conspiracy?
Skeptics say President Bush only revealed details of the thwarted terrorist attack on Los Angeles to gain support for his controversial wiretapping program. That could be true if there were any people in America who gave a damn about what happens to Los Angeles.

Britney's Admission
Britney Spears is publicly admitting she made a mistake after being caught driving with her 4-month old son in her lap. It's great that she can admit a mistake, but shouldn't we all be concerned that a 24-year-old pop singer is showing more integrity and humility than our President?

Carroll Video
In a new video broadcast on Kuwaiti TV, abducted American journalist Jill Carroll assures everyone she is fine. But time is running out because her captors are sure to find out she's also an amateur cartoonist.

Oprah's Deal
Oprah Winfrey has signed a three-year, $55 million deal with XM Satellite Radio. The deal is great news for all satellite radio listeners; Oprah fans will get to hear her on XM, and Howard Stern fans will get to hear him make fun of Oprah more often on Sirius.

Doctor Retiring
Beloved New York City physician, Dr. Charles P. Vialotti is finally retiring seven decades after treating his first patient... it's taken him this long to finish the health insurance paperwork on that guy.

1st Grade Skirt-Chaser
A six-year-old Massachusetts boy has been suspended from school after being charged with sexually harassing a girl classmate. Experts say most six-year-olds can't even understand the idea of sexual harassment, but this kid may be an exception because he's the 1st grade class representative to the student government.

Yahoo Dragnet
Yahoo is denying it helped the Chinese government find and jail a dissident who criticized the Communist Party online. Yahoo says that was the work of Yahoo China, which it has no direct connection to. In other news, Yahoo reported huge fourth quarter profits thanks to stellar results at Yahoo China.