Top 5 Other Newspaper Comics that Make Muslims Angry

5) American soldier Beetle Bailey never loafs near an I.E.D.

4) Dennis the Menace allowed to disrespect his elders without being caned

3) Lucy always steals football out from under Charlie Brown; never gets her hand sawed off

2) Mrs. Lockhorn repeatedly talks back to her husband; is never put to death in an "honor killing"

1) Doonesbury hasn't been funny since 1978

Clarkson a Winner
The biggest winner at the Grammys last night was Kelly Clarkson. That's because she was given the first award, and thus didn't have to sit through the rest of the Grammys.

Church Burnings
5 churches in rural Alabama have been burned down in the last several days. Apparently the only thing they each had in common was they all scheduled services during the Super Bowl.

Church Burnings II
The FBI says solving the church burnings are its "top Priority." That's because if any more churches burn down, the Republicans might actually have to do their own campaigning.

Mrs. Gretzky's Gambling
Wayne Gretzky's wife has been implicated in a huge NHL betting ring. The news is absolutely shocking; we've finally found a woman who bets on sports!

Haitian Elections
Turnout was huge in today's national elections in Haiti, but that was because most Haitians thought the people lining up outside the polling places were waiting for a boat to get out of Haiti.

Haitian Elections II
Haiti has not had a president or a parliament since 2004... why would they want to change that?

Inmate Dies
A former death row inmate who was deemed too overweight to execute, died in prison today at age 51. Two appeals courts repealed orders to hang Mitchell Rupe because that would be cruel and unusual punishment... for the rope.