Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Top 5 Thanksgiving Travel Tips

5) Make sure you call the airport beforehand to see if your flight's been cancelled, delayed, or if the airline's gone bankrupt

4) If you're driving, it's good to check all your car's fluids... but not with the turkey baster

3) Make sure you have everything you need for the airport security line, like ID, tickets, and a copy of War and Peace

2) Before hitting the road, arrange for second-mortgage financing to pay for the gas

1) Get a head start on the trip back by leaving before dessert

Teacher Fired
A Brooklyn teacher who was fired by her Catholic school for being pregnant and unmarried, is suing her ex-employers. Her attorneys say that these days, the school should have just been thankful that the father wasn't one of her students.

Palace Attack
American and Iraqi officials came under attack Tuesday during a ceremony handing over one of Saddam Hussein's lavish palaces to the new government. The attackers weren't insurgents; just local real estate agents who wanted to sell the place on the open market.

Burned Pee
German police say a drunken man burned his apartment down after trying to dry his urine-soaked bed with a faulty hair drier. I guess you could say he truly pissed his life away.

Al-Jazeera Hit?
The Bush administration is scoffing at a British newspaper report that the President once considered bombing the Arabic-language television network Al-Jazeera. The White House insists that such an act would be pointless, especially since the real enemy is CBS.

Ali Convicted
24-year-old Ahmed Omar Abu Ali has been found guilty of trying to assassinate President Bush. Prosecutors proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was a just as dangerous to the President as a pollster.

School Crime
The good news is that crime in America's high schools is down by 50% since 1995. The bad news is it's because most violent students are just too busy having sex with their teachers.

O'Hare Expansion
The federal government is pledging $337 million to expand Chicago's O'Hare airport. O'Hare needs more space to accommodate the growing number of airline bankruptcy attorneys flying to meet clients across the country.

Turkey Pardon
President Bush pardoned the two White House Thanksgiving turkeys Tuesday. But as part of the Patriot Act, the Turkeys will still have their stalls bugged for at least three more years.


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