Top 5 Things the Gaza Protestors and Palestinian Radicals Have in Common

5) They both do their best “grieved’ look when the TV cameras are around

4) They both do most of their showering by water canon

3) They both have lots of relatives in Brooklyn

2) None of them can get a date

1) They’re both definitely using the same barber

Psyching Up the Soldiers
To get reluctant Israeli soldiers to forcibly evacuate their fellow Jews in Gaza, army commanders had to convince them they were doing what’s best for the country… and when that didn’t work, they just told the soldiers to pretend the settlers were reporters for the BBC.

Madonna Recovering
Despite breaking several bones in a horse riding accident Wednesday, Madonna is reportedly feeling better. The accident is not expected to delay the release of her new album, which is making everyone else in the world feel worse.

Alzheimer’s Study
Scientists now believe that people with graduate degrees are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease… but that’s only because the tuition bills kill them first.

Sheehan Goes Home
Cindy Sheehan, the mother of a Marine killed in Iraq who has been camping out at President Bush’s ranch in Crawford, is going back home to visit her sick mother. Sheehan says she needs to see her mom before Bush changes Social Security and kills her too.

Sheehan Goes Home II
While Cindy Sheehan is leaving, hundreds of other protestors will remain outside the Crawford ranch… but that’s only because they can’t afford the gas to drive home.

Xbox is Expensive
Video game fans are angry that Microsoft will charge about $400 for the new Xbox. Of course anyone willing to spend $400 on a video game system probably doesn’t have to worry about spending money on things like a wife, kids, or friends.