Hospital Shutdown
The base closing commission has approved plans to shut down Walter Reed Army Hospital in Washington, even though the facility is famous for treating Presidents and Members of Congress. Of course, that’s why it’s being getting closed down; politicians never pay their bills.

Hospital Shutdown II
The base closing commission has approved Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s plan to shut down the famous Walter Reed Army Hospital in Washington. Rumsfeld believes that by closing the hospitals, people won’t find out that our soldiers are still getting killed and wounded in Iraq.

Studying the Undergrads
An Anthropology professor at Northern Arizona University decided to study undergraduates by actually living in a dorm and taking college courses for a year. Many of her fellow Anthropology professors wanted to do the same, but on their salaries, no one else could afford the tuition.

Studying the Undergrads II
An Anthropology professor decided to study undergraduates by actually living in a dorm and taking college courses at Northern Arizona University for a year. Next year, she’ll complete her research by attending a REAL university.

California Blackouts
Rolling blackouts hit Southern California yesterday because of supply problems. The loss of power was a huge inconvenience to thousands of Californians, but a major reprieve for the studio audiences watching all the crappy pilots being taped for the new fall TV season.

Reality Writers Sue
Hollywood writers for several of the reality shows on FOX TV are suing the network, charging it with violating labor laws and subjecting them to unfair conditions. If the writers win their case, just think how much money everyone who watched those shows could get!

New Implants
Women across the world are excited by news that two biotech companies are developing better breast implants that feel better, look better, and only respond when being touched by men willing to pay for them.

Miss America Leaving
The Miss America pageant is moving from its Atlantic City home to a place where officials say beauty contests are more popular and profitable… a place more commonly known as the 19th century.