Top 5 Reasons Santa isn't so Tired Today

5) Karl Rove showed him how he could completely ignore the kids in New York and California and still win over most of the country

4) Fired the elves and hired three times as many helpers from India for the same price

3) Some of the reindeer got their hands on Barry Bonds' steroids

2) Bernard Kerik gave him some new pointers on how to visit 10 women every 10 minutes

1) Due to FDA warnings about all his favorite painkillers, he was forced to switch to Cocaine