Rumsfeld Visit
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is paying a surprise Christmas visit to the troops in Iraq today. Actually, he's really there to star in a new holiday movie called "The Grinch Who Stole Your Future."

Top 5 Real Reasons Secretary Rumsfeld is Making a Christmas Visit to Iraq

5) Recruit some soldiers to sign his name for him on death notices

4) Remind himself just what he's working so hard for... a huge-paying executive position at Halliburton in 2008

3) To prove his extreme bravery... by eating the food

2) Going to a hostile fire zone is still better than spending Christmas with Mrs. Rumsfeld's family

1) Get some advice from Saddam Hussein on how to deal with being ousted from power

NYC Hawks Welcomed Back
The 5th Avenue building that evicted the hawks "Pale Male" and "Lola" has rebuilt their nest and is welcoming them back. But the birds now say that for tax purposes, they'll probably keep their primary residence in Florida.