Newsday Alert!! I'm back in the "Punchlines" column in today's Newsday. Here's the link: Newsday

J. Lo Heroin
Manhattan cops say they're finding a new brand of heroin the gangs are calling "J. Lo," after Jennifer Lopez. They call it that because like Lopez's music, the drug hurts when it first enters your head, but then it just leaves you numb.

Pam Anderson's Citizenship
Vancouver native Pamela Anderson became a dual Canadian-American citizen yesterday. Anderson made the decision so she could still live in California while her breasts continue to get free medical care in Canada.