Kennedy Prayer
A Roman Catholic Priest is in hot water for opening the Colorado State Legislature's session yesterday with a prayer asking God to make lawmakers: "be the antithesis of John Kennedy and let their faith influence and guide them." Despite the controversy, each and every one of the politicians solemnly joined in the anti-Kennedy prayer and asked God not to let them get shot.

NC-17
The new Ewan McGregor film "Young Adam" has been slapped with the dreaded "NC-17" rating. That means the film must have excessive nudity, foul language, and criticizes the Bush administration's policies in Iraq.

Not Vietnam
President Bush is angrily disagreeing with any comparison of the current war in Iraq with Vietnam. But that's mostly because
he hasn't heard any Doors songs on the radio in like two years.

Bush Confident
In last night's news conference, President Bush said he expects to "keep his job" after November. Top reasons Bush thinks he'll win re-election:

-Thinks he's running against Osama bin Laden

-Still hasn't seen his weak poll numbers; staffers keep putting them in PDB memos

-New negative ad uses excellent doctored photo of Kerry acting as a bridesmaid at Gay marriage

-New campaign promise: No More Press Conferences

-Hey, he didn't get the most votes last time and he beat the other guy... how hard can it be to win this thing anyway?