Thursday, August 25, 2011

LSU Search
Police searched and took evidence from the home of LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson last night. In a related story, several LSU game-word jerseys and helmets are now somehow for sale on eBay!

Obamacare Exodus
A new survey says one in ten private companies will stop offering their employees private health insurance under Obamacare. The other nine out of ten companies don't plan to be in business anymore under Obamacare.

Jobs Leaves
Steve Jobs has resigned as CEO of Apple. Since everyone in Silicon Valey just copies whatever Apple does, the CEO's of Microsoft, Dell, and HP all just stepped down too.

Gold Crash
Gold has fallen more than $200 an ounce in just three days... proving the wisdom of Chad Ocho Cinco's recent decision to keep most of his teeth in his mouth.

Cheney on Syria
In his new memoir, former Vice President Cheney says he urged President Bush to bomb Syria in 2007. Of course, he also urged him to bomb Mexico, Canada, and San Francisco.

August 25th

1609: Galileo demonstrates his first telescope to Venetian lawmakers… who immediatley use it for pornographic purposes.

1916: The United States National Park Service is created… mostly for pornographic purposes.

1950: President Harry Truman orders the US Army to seize control of the nation's railroads… mostly for pornographic purposes.


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