Gold Soars
Gold is now worth well over $1,800 an ounce. You can tell by the fact that all the gold chain snatchers in Central Park are taking limos to work.



B of A Cuts
Bank of America is cutting 3,500 jobs... the bosses would cut more, but they can't find any tellers at the bank either.



Fundraising Fool
President Obama has had significantly more fundraisers at this point in his term than the last 5 presidents. But in his defense, millionaires are a lot dumber than they were back then.



BBall Brawl
A goodwill game between the Georgetown men's basketball team and a Chinese team outside Beijing last night ended in a brawl. Apparenrtly one of the Chinese players sparked the fight when he asked he American playersd for his nation's money, ball, and sneakers back.



King Removed
Burger King is removing the King character from its ads... mostly because the King is having trouble scheduling commercial shoots around all of his appointments at his cardiologist's office.







August 19th


43 BC: Octavian, later known as Augustus, compels the Roman Senate to elect him Consul… mostly by promising to save Medicare.


1813: Gervasio Antonio de Posadas joins Argentina's Second Triumvirate. He would have joined the First Triumvirate, but the other two guys couldn’t pronounce his name.


1989: Several hundred East Germans cross the frontier between Hungary and Austria… and once they finally see toilet paper for themselves, they decide never to go back.