California Cash Crunch
California's state revenues fell $539 million below expectations for the month of July alone. This is mostly due to the fact that unemployment is still high and Charlie Sheen keeps trying to pay his taxes by sending cheap hookers to Sacramento.




Apple Beats Exxon
Apple has now surpassed ExxonMobil as the most valuable company in America. So it's only a matter of time before it accidentally dumps 100 million iPads on a beach somewhere in Alaska.



British Riots
Violent riots continue in much of England today. It's all part of the country's hopes of making arson an official Olympic sport in time for next year's London Summer Games.



Drug Store Insurance
Walgreen's is now selling health insurance. It's really inexpensive, but you have to be willing to get your prostate checked by the teenager who usually stocks the candy bars in aisle three.



NY Gambling
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo says he thinking about completely legalizing gambling in New York state. Of course, New Yorkers legally gamble every time they take the D train after 5pm.






August 10th


1316: The Second Battle of Athenry takes place after the First Battle of Athenry was officially declared a "Do Over."



1846: The Smithsonian Institution is chartered by the United States Congress after James Smithson donates $500,000. Today, $500,000 might get you a one-year Smithsonian membership and a coupon at the gift shop.


2003: Yuri Malenchenko becomes the first person to marry in space. How he got the band, the caterers and the florists up there... no one knows.