Obama Explains it all
President Obama is blaming the Japanese earthquake in March for our economic slowdown. In response, the Japanese are now blaming their earthquake on President Obama.



Turkey Recall
Because of a salmonella problem, Cargill is now recalling 36 million pounds of ground turkey meat... or as Kirstie Alley calls it, "lunch."



Gates Charity
A new report shows that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation gave away $2.5 billion last year. That's enough for the federal government to run for a whole hour!



Obama Party
Thousands of donors paid more than $30K each to attend fundraisers last night in honor of President Obama's 50th birthday. For that money, each donor got dinner, a picture with the president, and their very own IRS agent.



Debt Explosion
The bad news is the U.S. debt has now Reached 100 Percent of our GDP. The good news is our GDP is about to collapse, so our debt will go down with it!





August 4th





1693: Dom Perignon invents Champagne… his stripper sister later invents the Champagne Room.





1914: Germany invades Belgium. In response, the United Kingdom declares war on Germany. France orders another piece of brie.





1987: The Federal Communications Commission rescinds the Fairness Doctrine which had required radio and television stations to present controversial issues "fairly". Which is a good thing, because there’s just no way to present Snookie fairly.