Putin's Slur
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin says the U.S. is acting like a "parasite" on the world economy. But if we're parasites, that would make Russia the colostomy bag.



Wind Kills
The federal government may shut down several wind farms after at least six golden eagles were found dead at a power facility near Los Angeles. The birds reportedly died after the unreliable wind power grid cut off their nests' A/C.



Video Game Suit
Two former college athletes are suing EA Sports for using their likenesses in their video games without their consent. What makes them really mad is that one part of the video game showed them actually going to class.



New Rating
Despite the new budget deal in Washington, the ratings agencies could still downgrade the U.S. debt from AAA to AAHHHH!!!



FAA Furloughs
Because of a deadlock in the U.S. Senate, 4,000 FAA workers will remain off the job or unpaid through Labor Day. But in their absence, several Senators have volunteered to grope female travelers in airport security lines all over the country.






August 3rd


1492: The Jews: of Spain are expelled… and have to enroll at Catholic school.





1972: The United States Senate ratifies the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty… then proceeds to use its ballistic missiles at the Capitol Hill brothel.





2005: President Maaouya Ould Sid'Ahmed Taya of Mauritania is overthrown in a military coup demanding a leader with an easier name.