Dow Crash
Investors are reeling after the Dow Industrials fell 512 points yesterday. The latest drop means President Obama's approval ratings have now fallen behind Casey Anthony.



Vet Hiring Plan
President Obama wants to give small tax credits to companies that hire unemployed vets. But it's not clear what he's willing to do for the 25 million Americans out of work who DON'T know how to use a machine gun.



Mortgage Rate Drop
Mortgage rates are set to go below 4%. Let's see, what's 4% of worthless?



FAA Deal
FAA workers can go back on the job now that a Congressional impasse has finally been solved. Now the only question is which formerly furloughed FAA employee will get the first shot at stealing your iPad from out of your luggage.



9/11 Walkout
Two unions are now walking off the jon at Ground Zero construction sites. They heard a rumor that there were better benefits for the guys rebuilding Osama bin Laden's complex in Pakistan.






August 5th



1689: 1,500 Iroquois rush into the village of Lachine in New France… but then they withdraw when they realize the town was called “Lachine” and not “Latrine.”



1861: The United States Army abolishes flogging… which is why the Village People joined the Navy.



1963: The United States, the United Kingdom, and the Soviet Union sign a nuclear test ban treaty. France bans nuclear pop quizzes.