Food Stamp Utopia
Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack says the reason more Americans are on food stamps is because the government is doing a better job letting people know they are eligible to apply for them! Oh... and also because more employers are letting people know they've been laid off.



Unions vs. Dems
The AFL-CIO says it will boycott the Democratic National Convention in North Carolina next August. Democrats of all people should have known union members don't work in hot weather!



Beer Battle
SABMiller's takeover bid for Fosters has gone hostile. That's because after three beers, the guys at Miller always go from being happy drunks to angry drunks.



Another S&P Downgrade
S&P has sharply downgraded Google because it's buying Motorola Mobility. S&P is also downgrading any idiot who buys a Motorola phone.



New Jobs Book
The new book about Steve Jobs is now scheduled to hit bookstores Nov. 21. The publisher plans to just throw it at the people waiting on line for the latest iPhone.






August 17th



1862: Major General J.E.B. Stuart is assigned command of all the cavalry of the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia. He spends most of the rest of the war segregating the white horses from the black horses.


1953: The First meeting of Narcotics Anonymous is held outside of Los Angeles. The second and final meeting is held at Judy Garland’s house.


1982: The first Compact Discs are released to the public in Germany. Sadly, they are all David Hasselhoff albums.