Saturday, August 20, 2011

Libya Revolt
Rebel forces in Libya are close to conquering Tripoli and overthrowing the Gadaffi regime. This successful fight for freedom and democracy serves as a stern lesson to every Arab leader who fails to kill enough Americans and Jews.

Jerry is Back!
It looks like they're giving Jerry Lewis his "Jerry's Kids" telethon back. This avoids Lewis' plans to hold an annoying telethon to get his annoying telethon back.

Union Loss
Striking union workers at Verizon are going back to work tonight even though they still have no new deal... because y'know, that'll show 'em!

Bagged Info
The plastic bag industry successfully got some anti-plastic bag messages deleted from California public school textbooks. So now, the industry can rest easy knowing that California schoolchildren, as soon as they stop shooting each other, won't see anything bad about plastic bags.

DSK Getting Off
The prosecution is about to drop all charges against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Apparently, if you try to convict someone for being a sleazy Frenchman, you'd have to put the whole country in jail.

August 22nd

565: St. Columba reports seeing a monster in Loch Ness, Scotland. It is later identified as St. Columba's Mother-in-Law.

1902: Theodore Roosevelt becomes the first President of the United States to ride in an automobile... and the last President to be qualified to drive one.

1962: An attempt to assassinate French president Charles de Gaulle fails... mostly due to lack of interest.


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