Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Cheney Charity
Records show Dick and Lynn Cheney gave $6.87 million to charity in 2005. Their favorite charity is a special fund that helps accidentally shot quail hunters recover and then keep their mouths shut.

Preston on the Mend
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's baby Preston is recovering from a fractured skull. Doctors say the boy should have no brain damage, but with parents like that there's no real way to tell.

Top 5 Britney & Kevin Baby Care Tips

5) Make sure your baby gets plenty of milk before you give him any cigarettes

4) If you need a sitter, the nice people from The National Enquirer are always happy to watch your kid

3) Do some stretching with your infant before teaching him your backup dance moves

2) Remember, all your baby's tattoos need to be moisturized every night

1) Colicky babies just love Jagermeister!

Rumsfeld Defense
Supporters of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld are strongly defending him against charges he ignores advice from generals who disagree with him. They rightly point out that Rumsfeld can't ignore advice he never bothered to listen to in the first place.

Rumsfeld Defense II
President Bush has twice rejected letters of resignation from Donald Rumsfeld. That forced Rumsfeld to ask: "What does a guy have to do to get out of this administration?" To which President Bush replied: "Search me, I don't know how we all got here in the first place!"

Parks Pardoned
The Alabama State Legislature has officially pardoned the late Rosa Parks for her 1956 arrest for refusing to give up her seat on a Montgomery city bus. But the legislature is still refusing to pardon Parks for being black.

OMD Nominee
President Bush has nominated Rob Portman to be the next director of the Office of Management and Budget. But it's unclear what Portman's duties will be since the Bush administration doesn't really keep a budget.

Late Filing
About 15 million Americans did not file their taxes on time this year. Most of them were accountants who were too busy doing everyone else's taxes.

SF Quake Anniversary
Experts say the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did $8.2 billion worth of damage in today's dollars. So when you figure for inflation, that means the quake did about 50 cents worth of damage in 1906.

Nebraska Segregation
The Nebraska state legislature has voted to divide the Omaha school system into two districts -- one mostly white and one largely black and Hispanic. So, I guess the five non-white kids in Omaha are going to get their own school!

Iran Strategy
The U.S. is considering an embargo to punish Iran from pursuing it nuclear weapons program; it's thinking about taking President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's microphone away.


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