Monday, April 10, 2006

Bonds Slump
Through the first six games of the season, Barry Bonds has no homers and is batting just .167. That means he's hitting his girlfriends a lot better than opposing pitchers.

Specter's Demand
During an interview on "FOX News Sunday," Senator Arlen Specter said President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney should speak publicly about their involvement in the CIA leak case. The result of Specter's statement is that he will never again be a guest on "FOX News Sunday."

Top 5 Shocking Revelations in the "Scroll of Judas"

5) Jesus would have approved of gay marriage... if Matthew and Mark hadn't been fighting all the time

4) All the food at the last supper was low-carb!

3) Mary wouldn't have stayed a virgin if Joseph could have gotten some Viagra in 40 B.C.

2) As he was dying on the cross, Jesus' pain was greatest when he foresaw the fact that Target stores wouldn't use the word "Christmas" during the holiday season

1) After all that, Pontius Pilate's check bounced!

Mickelson Wins
Phil Mickelson won his second Masters in three years Sunday. The Masters is unique, because only the best golfers play, the course is the toughest, and it's the only place on Earth where you can wear a green jacket without looking like an idiot.

Sharon Status
Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who has been in a coma for three months, will be declared officially incapacitated this week. Man, those Israelis are lucky; President Bush has been in a coma for more than five years and we get nothing!

Stones in China
As the Rolling Stones performed their first-ever concert in China this weekend,
the government banned them from singing five of their songs, including "Brown Sugar," and "Honky Tonk Women"... not because of suggestive lyrics, but because there is no one on Earth who isn't sick of those damn songs already!


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