Illinois Pay
Illinois Governor Pat Quinn now says state workers should only get workmen's comp payments if they actually injure themselves on the job. This could set the stage for Quinn to eventually demand that state workers not get paid unless they actually work.



Oil Crash?
Oil prices are falling again today. Crude is getting so cheap that Pakistani officials are now asking all the Arab terrorists they're protecting to pay them in real money.



Political Capital
President Obama is hoping to advance more of his agenda by taking the credit for the killing of Osama bin Laden. That plan is only working slightly better than his demand that the Bulls' Derrick Rose give him his NBA MVP trophy.



Cruze Recall
GM is recalling almost all models of the 2011 Chevy Cruze. It turns out the car refuses to go into drive whenever you cross into a right to work state.



BCS Charges?
The Justice Department is looking into filing antitrust charges against the college football bowl system. The sport allegedly has a monopoly on athletes who pretend to go to class.




May 5th


553: The Second Council of Constantinople begins. The First Council of Constantinople was canceled due to a bad outbreak of the clap.


1809: The Swiss canton of Aargau denies citizenship to Jews… getting a decent accountant there has been impossible ever since.


1981: Bobby Sands dies in the Long Kesh prison hospital after 66 days of hunger-striking. Yes, British food is just that bad.