Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Gibbs Going
White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs is stepping down in February. Based on his last two years of experience, Gibbs is expected to get a new job as the announcer on the Titanic.

Death Panels Dead
The White House will no longer use Medicare to pay doctors to give their patients “end of life” counseling every year. From now on, when the administration wants people to kill themselves, they’ll just invite them to one of President Obama’s speeches.

Mega Millions
Two winning tickets were sold in last night's $355 million Mega Millions lottery... the third winner was the IRS.

Fed Snow Probe
There is now a federal investigation into the no snow plowing scandal in NYC. The feds are sying to know how those unionized city workers found a way to work less than they do.

Super Underwear
A new small business is selling underwear that it says will keep your private parts private at those new airport screener machines. But the real best way to keep your private parts private is to attend BYU.

January 5th

1759: George Washington marries Martha Dandridge Custis… and then he really does chop down the cherry tree, know what I mean?

1940: FM radio is demonstrated to the FCC for the first time. The FCC responds by fining everyone in the room.

1996: Hamas bombmaker Yahya Ayyash is killed by an Israeli-planted booby-trapped cell phone that had incredible roaming and out-of-network charges.


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