Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Blizzard Effects
Experts say the blizzard of 2010 will end up costing the airlines $150 million. In a related story, the new fee to check a second bag on US flights will now be $150 million.

Bank Failures
It's official: more American banks failed in 2010 than any year since 1992. U.S. banks hope to do better in 2011 by finding more Asian banks to cheat off of.

Rate Increases
Major US airlines have announced they are raising their rates. This way, they can buy more blankets and pillows they'll charge $10 each to use while you're stranded and sleeping on the airport floor.

Terror Granny
An Indiana grandmother is being investigated for a possible link to terror groups. The methods she used to kill Americans include excessive cheek-pinching and asphyxiating people with mothballs.

Murder Down
Murder rates continue to drop, and are now at 25-year lows across the country... mainly because more killers are starting to outsource their murders to China.

December 29th

1170: Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, is assassinated inside Canterbury Cathedral by followers of King Henry II, and people who really thought his robes clashed with those shoes.

1813: British soldiers burn Buffalo, New York during the War of 1812. Since it was December, it looked better after the burning.

1998: Leaders of the Khmer Rouge apologize for the 1970s genocide in Cambodia, but are granted redemption when it turns out they’re pretty good players for the Philadelphia Eagles.


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