Zsa Zsa Amputation
Doctors will have to remove Zsa Zsa Gabor’s leg. As soon as it’s amputated, Zsa Zsa plans use it to beat a traffic cop over the head on her way home from the hospital.



Shocking Discovery
Police say a dead fetus has been found in the bathroom of a plane that arrived in the Philippine capital. That would be bad enough, but the airline is charging the fetus a $25 baggage fee.



Stanford Wins
Stanford beat Virginia Tech 40-12 in the Orange Bowl... the only time Virginia Tech gets a 4-0 is when its roomate commits suicide.



California Inaugural
Jerry Brown took the oath of office as Governor of California Monday. But the festive mood at the inauguration ended when someone came to repossess the dais.



Targeting Unions
Several states are now trying to outlaw government worker unions. If successful, the guys not plowing the streets in New York City will have to do not work for slightly less money.




January 4th


1717: The Netherlands, Great Britain, and France sign the Triple Alliance… and immediately complete a three-way trade for two relief pitchers and a utility infielder.


1962: New York City introduces a subway train that operates without a crew on-board… freeing riders to urinate on the subway cars in peace.


1972: Rose Heilbron becomes the first female judge to sit on the Old Bailey in London. Word has it that Old Bailey really enjoyed it!