Marge in Playboy
Marge Simpson is on the cover of the latest Playboy magazine. Despite the fact that she's a cartoon character, she still has more real body parts than the woman in the centerfold.



Strong Words
New York Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce says beating the Raiders was so easy on Sunday that it felt like a practice. It also felt like a practice because Raiders Head Coach Tom Cable tried to beat all his assistant coaches to death.




Healthy Welfare Food
Food stamp and other welfare programs across the country are instituting a new healthy food campaign. The only trouble is figuring out which whole grain goes best with crack.



Stanford Ponzi Case
Four accused masterminds behind the $7 billion Stanford Finanical Ponzi scheme head to Houston federal court for a hearing today. The defendants have a choice of going to prison or managing Social Security for the next 20 years.



Salaries Strong
Despite the weak economy, the U.S. banking industry is going to pay its highest ever salaries this year. This either proves America is a resilient country or that everyone not working on Wall Street is an idiot.





October 14th

1586: Mary I of Scotland goes on trial for conspiracy against Elizabeth I of England. Because the Scots had expelled the Jews centuries earlier, Mary can't find a decent lawyer.


1789: George Washington proclaims the first Thanksgiving Day. The Detroit Lions comply by agreeing to lose football games every year on this day.


1947: Chuck Yeager becomes the first man to fly a jet faster than the speed of sound... but then gets stuck for two hours in the airport baggage claim area.


1979: The first Gay Rights March on Washington, D.C. draws 200,000 people, most of whom thought it was a free Village People concert.