Mexican Elections
The bad news for Andres Manuel Lopez is he lost the Mexican presidential election to Conservative Felipe Calderon by the slightest of margins. The good news for Lopez is at least now he doesn't have to be the president of Mexico.

Mexican Elections II
Felipe Calderon has defeated Andres Manuel Lopez in the Mexican presidential election by just 236,000 votes... which is exactly the number of Mexicans who sneak across the U.S. border every 3 hours.

Mexican Elections III
Experts say Calderon won the Mexican presidential election thanks to his promise to provide every Mexican with a pair of wire cutters and a road map to San Diego.

North Korean Control
U.S. analysts say the North Koreans never really had control of the long-range missile it test launched Wednesday. In order to gain more control of their missiles, North Korean rocket scientists will now try to think about baseball.