NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com with not one, but TWO jokes! Here's the link: Newsday

Top 5 Reasons Afghanistan Wants to Execute the Convert to Christianity

5) The Kabul Mall just isn't ready for Christmas sales

4) No one wants to see a bunch of "What Would Jesus Do?" t-shirts in Farsi

3) Now everyone's gonna want all the Christian holidays off from work... if there was any work

2) Two Words: Pat Robertson

1) The Christianity they can take, the Gospel music they can't

Charlie's Not Buying It
Actor Charlie Sheen says he refuses to accept the official explanation for 9/11. Sheen is instead pinning the blame on what he's always considered to be the world's biggest menace: overpriced hookers.

Holloway Break?
Aruban authorities reportedly have a new witness in the disappearance of Alabama teen Natalee Holloway and will conduct another search for her body. In reaction to the story, CNN is renewing the Nancy Grace show for another six months.

Journalism Dangers
Reporters who go to Iraq still face grave danger from snipers... and when the right wing bloggers get through with them, they have to try to avoid the terrorists.

SAT Screw Up
The College Board says it feels "awful" about grading errors that so far have left about 4,500 students with lower SAT scores. Officials say they only enjoy ruining kids' lives with arbitrary and useless tests, not because of technical errors.

Dog Handler Jailed
U.S. citizens are showing little mercy for the jailed army dog handler who used the animals to terrorize Iraqi prisoners in abu Ghraib. Americans just can't understand why he would subject innocent dogs to those kinds of people.

Barbara's Gift
Former first lady Barbara Bush has donated thousands of dollars to the Bush-Clinton Katrina Fund with specific instructions that the money be spent on educational programs. If only she had cared as much about educating her own kids.

Cheney Dinner
Vice President Cheney will be speaking this evening in Tucson at a $500-a-plate fund-raiser. The guests will have to be rich and courageous, because the main course is quail.

Skid Row Stat
An L.A. hospital has been caught dumping patients on skid row. They're actually doing them a favor; once you get finished paying the medical bills, that's where you're going to end up anyway.