Friday, December 02, 2005

Top 5 New Slogans at GM

5) "Quality is Job 15,278"

4) "We're Still Better than Peugeot"

3) "It's Michael Moore's Fault"

2) "We're Selling the Same Cars for $4,000 More than They Were Just a Month Ago"

1) "Get Out and Push"

Anderson Grills Bill
As promised, Anderson Cooper asked former President Bill Clinton the "tough questions" during his exclusive interview last night. The best moment came when Clinton couldn't explain why he was wearing a black belt with brown pants.

Dems Bash George
Many Congressional Democrats are saying that President Bush's speech Wednesday on Iraq was just more tired rhetoric... which is rough, because they're the experts on tired rhetoric.

Paid Stories
The U.S. military has admitted that it's paying Iraqi newspapers to run favorable stories about the war. But it boasted that it's still saving the taxpayers money by getting the FOX News Channel to run the same stories over here for free.

Face-Off in France
Doctors in France conducted the world's first partial face transplant, grafting a nose, chin and lips onto a 38 year-old woman disfigured in a dog-attack. But all the work was for naught, because after the surgery the woman was still French.

Bennifer's Baby
"Alias" star Jennifer Garner has given birth to her first child with actor-husband Ben Affleck. The baby girl is the couple's first successful production in more than 4 years.

Milestone Execution?
A killer scheduled to die today in North Carolina says he's not interested in going down in history as the one thousandth person executed in America since capitol punishment was reinstated in 1976. He's right; it'll feel a lot better to be the one thousand first person executed since capitol punishment was reinstated in 1976.

State Department Woes
It was reported that the U.S. State Department is having a hard time filling posts in the world's most dangerous cities. Which is odd, because I didn't think the State Department had offices in Detroit.

Women Win
Two business women have become Saudi Arabia's first female elected officials, winning posts to the board of Jiddah's chamber of commerce. They're expected to cast the board's only two votes against a resolution calling for their public execution.

Britney's Quest
Britney Spears has consulted a psychic to find out if husband Kevin Federline will cheat on her and if their marriage will last. The psychic just told here to ask Shar Jackson.


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