Friday, January 28, 2005

New Carson Tribute Site! I have a new site where I keep Johnny's legend alive by channeling his monologues from Heaven. Here's the link: Carson's Monologues from Heaven

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Iraqi Elections

5) "Sorry sir, but there's no suicide car-bombing allowed within 500 feet of a polling place"

4) "Hey, let's go give those exit pollsters some phony answers!"

3) "I'm sorry, this isn't the line for clean water... there's actually no clean water"

2) "I'm voting for the guy whose donkey I want after he gets assassinated"

1) "There's something wrong with these Diebold voting machines... they still only count votes for Bush!"

Sharon's Take
Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon says he's impressed with Mahmoud Abbas' efforts to confiscate weapons and secure the border. Now all Sharon wants to see from the Palestinians before he'll agree to start serious peace talks is a really nice buffet in the conference room.

Jenna's Beau
Jenna Bush is now dating a man who worked on her father's re-election campaign. It's easy to see how he got her to fall for him; he has lots of experience winning over stupid people.

C Train Fire
It now appears that no homeless person had anything to do with the fire that will knock out a major New York subway line for 6 to 9 months. Meanwhile, the city will try to find the real cause, the fire department will try to improve safety, and the New York Post will try to blame it on Barbara Boxer.

Dung Pile
U.S. environmental officials are looking into complaints about a 100-foot high dung pile in the Midwest that's been burning for months. The only thing that spreads that much B.S. around the country is the Fox News Channel.

PG-Gillette Merger
Procter and Gamble is merging with Gillette, creating one of the world's most valuable corporations dominant in sales of tooth paste, deodorant and shaving razors. Now just imagine how big that company would be if Europeans actually used some of those products!

Stranded Diver
A diver who says he drifted for five hours after a boat crew left him at sea has sued them for $4 million. But the case isn't expected to go far since the man knew the diving company was owned by Ted Kennedy.


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