Web Alert!! I have a new piece in the humor section of the NEH-Funded Web magazine "Ducts!" Here is the link: Ducts

Web Alert 2!! I have an "interview" with Prince Harry published in today's "Enduring Vision" Web site. Here is the link: Enduring Vision

Top 5 Real Reasons the Deficit is Now a Record $427 Billion

5) Need to begin costly federal investigation of Spongebob's alleged "gayness"

4) Dick Cheney's medications are getting pricier every day

3) Someone's gotta get paid off to give Jenna and Barbara a real job

2) Gotta start stashing some money away for Jeb's Presidential campaign

1) All the conservative radio commentators on the White House payroll are demanding a raise

Subway Correction
Officials at the New York City subway now say it will take 6-9 months, not 5 years, to repair the damage from a small fire this weekend. What they originally meant to say is it'll be 5 years before they stop using the fire as an excuse to keep raising fares.

Oscar Breakthrough
It's a standout year for Black actors as a record 5 African Americans received Oscar nominations yesterday. But experts say we haven't really reached a breakthrough, because in all 5 cases, the actors were still only cast in roles as Black people.

National Guard Bonus
In hopes of boosting its thinning ranks in Iraq, the National Guard is considering offering a cash bonus to new enlistees. The bonus will be $15,000, or the cost of the average funeral for an adult male, whichever is more.

Delgado Chooses Florida
The Florida Marlins beat out the Mets yesterday and signed star outfielder Carlos Delgado. Delgado decided against playing in front of angry and cranky New Yorkers, in favor of playing in front of angry and cranky retired New Yorkers

Tsunami Recovery
Indonesia and Thailand are expected to see a quick economic recovery from the effects of the Tsunamis. That's because those countries are letting U.S. corporations know that they have millions of 6-year olds to replace all the 8-year old employees who died.

T.O. No Go?
The Philadelphia Eagles are still not giving star wide receiver Terrell Owens the go-ahead to play in the Super Bowl. Not because of his leg injury, but because no one can guarantee he won't rip off some woman's bustier during the halftime show.

Prostate Problem
Doctors say medical tests on very obese men may be inaccurate, specifically making it harder to find out if they have prostate cancer. But that's only because it's extremely hard to actually find an obese man's prostate in the first place.