Monday, January 31, 2005

The Carson Tribute Site is Going Strong! I have a new site where I keep Johnny's legend alive by channeling his monologues from Heaven. Here's the link: Carson's Monologues from Heaven

Iraqi Election Success
The Iraqi elections turned out much better than most people expected yesterday. Now Americans are confused about whether we should be proud that we've ushered democracy into Iraq, or ashamed that a former dictatorship had better voter turnout than the U.S. has had in 50 years.

Top 5 Reasons Insurgents Didn't Launch Many Election Day Attacks in Iraq

5) Blew the whole weekend filling out annoying al Qaeda employee satisfaction surveys

4) Lost interest in attacking voters and are now targeting all the annoying U.S. TV news anchors still in the country

3) Too busy getting "psyched up" for the Michael Jackson trial

2) Stayed in front of the TV all night only to find out "Desperate Housewives" was a re-run

1) Don't want to commit any suicide attacks until they see next week's Super Bowl halftime show

Jackson Jury Selection
Attorneys in the Michael Jackson case now have the difficult task of seating a jury filled with people who aren't familiar with the pop star. Not only will they need to get jurors who haven't heard much of Jackson's music, but they'll also need to find 12 people who aren't nauseated by "Extreme Makeover."

Broadway Copycats
The success of Billy Crystal's one man show is spurring other celebrities to pitch their own ideas to Broadway producers. The Rev. Billy Graham's show has already been given the green light, it's called "7,000 Sundays."

Phone Service
The tiny town of Mink, Louisiana became the last rural area in the U.S. to finally receive phone service this weekend. That means telemarketers have about 3 days to bombard the small population before they all put themselves on the "Do Not Call Registry."

School Name Change
Hoping to cut down on jokes, trustees at the "Governor Dummer Academy" in Massachusetts finally changed the school's name. But they've kept the meaning of the old title alive by now calling it "The George W. Bush Academy."


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