Hillary Abortion Rights
At last weekend's rally for abortion-rights, Senator Hillary Clinton said the Bush administration was filled with people who consider Roe v. Wade the worst abomination in our history. But the Bush Administration quickly denied that, reminding everyone that it actually believes Hillary Clinton is the worst abomination in our history.

Estee Lauder Dies
Cosmetics queen Estee Lauder died last weekend at the age of 97. But thanks to her age-reducing make-up she doesn't look like she's been dead for more than 2 days.

Kerry Medal Flap
Republicans are attacking John Kerry for throwing away his Vietnam War combat medals at an anti-war protest. But the Kerry campaign is insisting he wasn't throwing them away, he was throwing them at Jane Fonda's head.

Gas Station Robbers
Two men who robbed a gas station in Connecticut waited on customers during the stick-up so motorists would not be suspicious. But the customers immediately knew something was wrong because it was the first time someone at the station actually spoke to them in English.