Bush's Earth Day
President Bush is marking Earth Day by touting his administration's pro-environmental work. Top Bush policies:

-Reducing personal income taxes for spotted owls by 15%

-Bankrupting dozens of energy companies to cut down on pollution

-Replacing dangerous nuclear power plants with less-harmful "nuke-u-lahr" power plants

-Granting Vice President Cheney blanket immunity so hunting trips with Scalia will no longer be necessary

-Helping millions of unemployed Americans cut back on driving to work

Jackson Charged
Michael Jackson was finally charged by a grand jury yesterday on several child molestation charges. But the actual trial won't begin until the court can find a jury of Jackson's peers... which won't happen until the Mars rover returns to Earth.