Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Hezbollah rockets have killed two people in Nazareth, the birthplace of Jesus. Next, Hezbollah plans to attack Santa's workshop.

Israel dropped a 20-ton bomb on a suspected Hezbollah bunker, but the terror group says none of its leaders was inside. That's because they were in their usual hiding spots like nursery schools and old age homes.

A White House official says we need to give Israel time to "de-fang" Hezbollah. While we're at it, why not let them de-claw, spay and neuter them too?

Two Al Jazeera news crews have been arrested in Israel for supplying rocket coordinates to Hezbollah terrorists in Lebanon. Well they tried to supply them, but then they found out no one in Hezbollah had paid the cable bill.

Israel says its goal is to "disband" Hezbollah. If Israel is successful, most Hezbollah members will likely be picked up as free agents by al Qaeda or chosen by other terror organizations in the annual amateur draft.


Stem Cell Veto
The White House says President Bush's stand against stem cell research proves he doesn't care about the polls. Actually he does, and let's just say this veto is payback to America for that low approval rating.

Stem Cell Veto II
President Bush says the embryonic stem-cell research bill "crossed a moral boundary"... because it would be immoral to keep taking all those Evangelical campaign donations and not do exactly what they tell him.

Lay Autopsy
An autopsy shows convicted former Enron chief Ken Lay had severely clogged arteries, leading to his death. Of course, those arteries were clogged with shredded Enron accounting documents.

Oldest Ballplayer
94-year-old Buck O'Neil became the oldest man to play in a professional baseball game after appearing in a minor league contest in Kansas City last night. The reason baseball doesn't allow more 94-year-olds to play is because it takes three weeks for them to provide enough urine for a drug test.


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