Head-Butt Insult
Italian soccer player Marco Materazzi strongly denies he called Zinedine Zidane a terrorist before the French captain head-butted him in the World Cup final, insisting he "doesn't even know what an Islamic terrorist is." Of course, nobody else in Europe seems to know what an Islamic terrorist is either.

Head-Butt Insult II
Italian soccer player Marco Materazzi strongly denies he called Zinedine Zidane a "dirty terrorist" before the French captain head-butted him in the World Cup final. Besides, if you really want to insult a French player, you'd have to call him a "clean terrorist."

Top 5 Worst Insults to Hurl at a French Soccer Player

5) "May you be cursed with only 7 weeks vacation this year"

4) "Your mother's souffle is only slightly better than average"

3) "You run worse than a Peugeot"

2) "You're not condescending enough to be French"

1) "You play like an American!"

All-Star Break
Baseball is still in the midst of the All-Star break. That's when the best players head for the All-Star Game, and the rest of the guys go home and try to remember their wives' names.

Rather's New Job
Dan Rather has reached a deal to host a weekly news program on the premium high-definition channel HDNet. Perhaps now that he'll be on a show with sharper video quality, he'll be able to tell the difference between forged documents and the real thing.

Barrett Dead
Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett has died at the age of 60. At first the other band members weren't sure how to react, but then they decided to do the appropriate thing and just get high.