Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Hu Here
Chinese President Hu Jintao is visiting the United States this week. Hopefully, he's not here to collect our debts.

Hamas Aid
Qatar's government has joined Iran in making a $50 million pledge to Hamas. But it's not clear if they made that donation because they believe in the cause, or if they just did it for the free tote bag and "Hamas' Greatest Hits" DVD box-set that comes with every donation of $30 million or more.

Tram Escape
Dozens of Roosevelt Island residents were rescued Tuesday when they got stuck on the trams going to Manhattan. It's not clear what's worse, being stranded on the tram or being stranded on Roosevelt Island.

McClellan's Replacement?
TV anchor Tony Snow is rumored to be the favorite to replace Scott McClellan as White House Spokesman. Of course as a FOX News employee, Snow is already a spokesman for the White House.

Rove Out?
Senior White House adviser Karl Rove reportedly will no longer focus on policy and is switching to long-term strategic planning. In other words, his new job is finding a way to keep everyone in the Bush administration out of jail.

Top 5 Ways to Get Kicked Out of the Bush Administration

5) Get caught reading a newspaper

4) Go a whole day without lying

3) Get caught reading a book

2) Admit you did something terrible... like paying your taxes

1) Refuse to drink the Kool-Aid

Duke Search
Durham police are now searching the dorm rooms of the two Duke lacrosse players accused of raping a stripper. The cops will alert the news media if they find anything suspicious, like school books.

Unsexy Man
A Boston newspaper has named Gilbert Gottfried the world's "unsexiest man." Of course that's ridiculous, the world's unsexiest man is Janet Reno.


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