Friday, January 13, 2006

Bush Visit
After visiting the areas hit by Hurricane Katrina Thursday, President Bush said he was pleasantly surprised by how good New Orleans and the Gulf Coast look. Of course, this is coming from the man who thinks things are going great in Iraq too.

Top 5 Pat Robertson Excuses

5) Really didn't think there were any Israelis who watched "The 700 Club"

4) He's been overly nervous ever since they released that guy who shot the Pope

3) He thought what he said was nicer than blaming it on doughnuts and falafel

2) His new drug plan doesn't cover psychiatric medications

1) What, like he's said anything that wasn't stupid in 30 years?

Hearings Over
The final day of questioning in Judge Samuel Alito's confirmation hearings proved mostly uneventful as Senator after Senator failed to make Alito's wife cry.

Alito's Chances
It seems likely that Judge Samuel Alito will be confirmed for a seat on the Supreme Court... mostly because most Democratic Senators can't stand to make his wife cry anymore.

Path to Greatness
Legal experts say it's now obvious that the best way to become a Supreme Court Justice is to never publicly state your opinion on any major issue. That's also the best way to be a successful local news anchor.

Iran Warning
U.S. and European leaders are urging the United Nations to block Iran from resuming its nuclear weapons program. U.N. workers say they will do something, as soon as they can figure out how to get some really good oil-for-food bribe money out of it.

Iran's Moves
First the president of Iran denied the Holocaust and pledged to wipe Israel off the map. Then, Tehran resumed its nuclear program. Either this is the dumbest country in the world, or Israel is getting set up for the greatest "Punk'd" ever!

Ancestry Study
A new study shows that 3.5 million of the world's Jews descended from just four women who lived about 2,000 years ago. Nothing much is known about the women, except they each claimed to have 3.5 million reasons to complain and make everyone feel guilty.


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