Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Jacko Firing
Michael Jackson fired defense lawyers Mark Geragos and Benjamin Brafman because he says they didn't give his case enough personal attention. Geragos and Brafman say while they were willing to meet with Jackson night and day to work on the case, they couldn't help but decline when Jackson kept asking them to sleep over.

Mama Hilton
Paris Hilton's mother Kathy will star in her own reality series for NBC called “The Good Life.” But TV experts say Mrs. Hilton was a better fit for the upcoming MTV series, "Pimp my Daughter."

Clinton Book
Bill Clinton’s long-awaited memoirs will be published in June with an initial printing of 1.5 million copies, which beats out Hillary Clinton’s first printing of 1 million books. But that's because half the pages of Bill's books will be stuck together.

Yellow Submarine for Kids
The Beatles’ cartoon "Yellow Submarine" is being adapted into a children’s book. It will be called: "Mommy and Daddy Used to Get Stoned."

Cheney Throws Away Deferment Letters in Angry Protest

"They Wouldn't Send me Just Because I Begged Them Not To!" Vice President Claims

(Washington, DC) A defiant Vice President Dick Cheney, who avoided military service in Vietnam with five separate student deferments from 1959-1969, threw away his deferment letters today in a pro-Vietnam War protest organized by several Bush Administration officials who never actually fought in the war.

"This is more than just a symbolic gesture," shouted Cheney over a bullhorn on the White House lawn, "this is our way of saying we reject the failed policies of the Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, and Nixon administrations who all saw fit to listen to petty excuses and not send people like us to defend our country 40 years ago. We were able to fight, our country needed us, and just because we weren't willing and had the money to cheat the system was no reason not to make us go!" he added.

The Bush campaign is eyeing the event as a major coup in its attempts to win over swing voters.

"This is in stark contrast to the Democrats like John Kerry, who while they actually fought and were wounded in the war, saw fit to question their government a few years later," said Bush adviser Karen Hughes.

A closer look at newspaper and TV footage of the protest shows that Cheney actually only threw the empty envelopes that once contained the deferment letters. When asked to clarify that, the Vice President offered a charged response.

"Look, I was proud to get those deferments, I fought for them. And while I supported the war they got me out of, I still wasn't going to destroy all the vestiges of my lack of service," he said. "Besides, the way things are going in Iraq, I may need them again pretty soon," Cheney added.
President Bush insists he also attended the protest, but so far no one has come forward to say they actually saw him there.


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