Jobs Bill
President Obama's new jobs bill calls for $447 billion in new spending which we'll have to get by borrowing more from China. That makes sense since China will be getting all the jobs, it might as well put up all the money!



SoCal Power Outage
Much of Southern California is still without power this morning. The whole situation is confusinf Lindsay Lohan who can't run red lights if they're not working in the first place.



Bank Layoffs
Bank of America is going to layoff 40,000 workers. That means millions of its broke customers will now have to foreclose on their own homes.



Starbucks Campaign
The CEO of Starbucks wants people to stop making political donations... mostly so they'll have more money to pay for $17 cups of coffee.



Terror Threat
Because of a credible and specific car bomb threat from al Qaeda, the Obama administration is scrambling to respond... but only because the car the terrorists are targeting is a Chevy Volt.





September 9th


337: Constantine II, Constantius II, and Constans I succeed their father Constantine I as co-emperors. Yeah, like that wasn't confusing.


1543: Mary Stuart, at nine months old, is crowned "Queen of Scots"... then she poops in her royal vestments.


1969: In Canada, the Official Languages Act comes into force, making the French language equal to the English language... for the three people who care about Canada that is.