Obama Speech
President Obama is set to deliver a major speech on jobs tonight... but most of the nation's business leaders are expected to lose interest when they find out the speech isn't about Steve Jobs.



Court Decision
A Federal Appeals Court has denied the state of Arizona's case for denying benefits to the domestic partners of gay state employees. The court ruled such exclusions would be impossible since there haven't been any straight state employees in the U.S. since 1965.



Medicare Busts
The Feds say they've made the biggest Medicare busts ever, catching all the elderly people responsible for swiping all the good magazines out of your doctor's office.



NASCAR Visit
President Obama welcomed the top drivers from NASCAR to the White House yesterday... finally getting him to talk about something he knows less about than the economy.



PR Cops
A Justice Department report accuses the 17,000-officer police force in Puerto Rico of a pattern of civil rights violations. For example, the cops in Puerto Rico have shockingly only been arresting Puerto Ricans.




September 8th


1504: Michelangelo's David is unveiled in Florence. Everyone viewing it is immediately busted for child pornography.


1959: The Asian Institute of Technology (AIT) is established. It just copies all the classes at MIT but teaches them for 75% less.


1974: President Gerald Ford pardons former President Richard Nixon for any crimes Nixon may have committed while in office… and any crimes he might commit simply by living in New Jersey.