Cruise Out of Control
The U.N. admits it lost $600,000 after renting a cruise ship for staffers responding to last year's quake in Haiti. The ship actually only cost $100,000, the other $500,000 was lost in a high-stakes shuffleboard tournament.



Mets Get Ready
Most Mets fans would be excited about Opening Day today, but the team was eliminated from the postseason late last night.



Pension Problem
The California teachers pension fund is now $56 Billion in the red. As a result, tater tots at high school cafeterias now cost $76.



Toyota Price Hikes
Toyota is raising prices on almost all its cars... especially the ones that aren't radioactive.



Tax Poll
A new poll shows that 78% of Californians support a 1% increase in state income taxes for people making $500K or more per year. It's not clear if the three people who still make that kind of money in California will go along that.




April 1st


286: Emperor Diocletian elevates his general Maximian to co-emperor with the rank of Augustus and gives him control over the Western regions of the Roman Empire... he even agrees to validate his parking.


1947: Paul becomes king of Greece, but he still doesn't get a last name.


1997: Comet Hale-Bopp is seen passing over perihelion... but only by the geeks in the astronomy club.