Hard Cash
Gold and silver coins are now legal tender in Utah... and those gold-colored coins with chocolate inside are worth even more!



Asleep in the Tower
The sole tower controller at Reagan National Airport fell asleep late Monday night, sending two incoming flight scrambling for directions. Unfortunately, the same guy is also in charge of our strategy in Libya.



B of A No Way
The Fed is refusing to allow Bank of America to increase its dividend for shareholders. The government needs that money to keep paying bonuses to UAW workers at GM.



Gold Soars
Gold prices are at an all-time high... which means the area aroung Mr. T's neck is now worth more most of Europe.



Chicago Deficit
Chicago public schools are now expected to have a $720 million deficit next year alone. It's getting so bad, the high school drug dealers aren't even making a profit anymore.




March 24th


1832: In Hiram, Ohio a group of men beat, tar and feather Mormon leader Joseph Smith, Jr. Their descendants are now all writers on HBO’s “Big Love.”


1837: Canada gives African Canadian men the right to vote… and yet after all these years, they still aren’t the least bit interested in hockey.


1900: New York Mayor Robert Anderson Van Wyck breaks ground for a new underground "Rapid Transit Railroad" that would link Manhattan and Brooklyn and serve as a wildlife preserve for large sewer rats.