Budget Bust
Senate Democrats suffered a stunning defeat last night when they were forced to abandon their pork-laden $1.27 trillion budget. The loss was so rough, even giving themselves another pay raise didn't cheer them up.




$1 Billion Loss
The Senate has taken away the $1 billion set aside in the 2011 to help implement the new health care law. That means the White House can't afford Andy Griffith to do pro-Obamacare commercials anymore and will have to settle for Otis the Drunk.




Obama Prediction
A new poll shows that only 29% of Americans think President Obama will be re-elected. The other 71% are still leaving the country just in case.



Xbox Sex
It turns out that you can use the new XBox Kinnect to simulate sex... which might be popular if the kind of people playing the XBox could find anyone to simulate sex with.



Larry Says Goodbye
Larry King broadcast his final show last night. Now that he's not going to the office, his wife will have to have all her future affairs at a local motel.




December 17th



1538: Pope Paul III excommunicates Henry VIII of England for divorce, heresy, and eating a turkey leg without a napkin.


1865: The Unfinished Symphony by Franz Schubert is performed for the first time. His instructor gives him an “incomplete.”


2005: Anti-corporatist protesters against the WTO in Hong Kong, then take a break at the nearest Starbucks.