Monday, February 22, 2010

Cheney Pains
Dick Cheney has once again been hospitalized with chest pains. This comes on the heels of a new report that shows America could save billions on health care costs... if it weren't for Dick Cheney.

Williams Sentencing
Former New Jersey Nets star Jayson Williams could get anywhere from 18 months in prison to five years for the the accidental shooting his limo driver eight years ago... or the judge could get really tough and send Williams back to the Nets.

Avandia Damage
A shocking new report shows that 83,000 people who took the diabetes drug Avandia suffered heart attacks. But Avandia is trying to prove that all those people had those attacks while driving Toyotas with stuck accelerator pedals.

Toyota Software Glitch
There's more evidence that the sudden acceleration problems in Toyotas is because of a on-board computer problem. Of course no one should be surprised by that since Toyota had that software designed by the guys who make "Grand Theft Auto."

Elton on Jesus
Elton John says he believes Jesus was a gay man... which means Judas may have betrayed Jesus just to get his hands on his fabulous shoes.

February 23rd

1455: The Gutenberg Bible is printed for the first time. Unfortunately, it's too big to fit in any hotel night table.

1778: Baron von Steuben arrives at Valley Forge to train the Continental Army and get rid of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

1883: Alabama becomes the first U.S. state to enact an antitrust law. No one has trusted anyone from Alabama ever since.

1974: The Symbionese Liberation Army demands $4 million more to release kidnap victim Patty Hearst. Her family then offers them $5 million to keep her.


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