Thursday, February 18, 2010

Hinn Divorce
Faith healing televangelist Benny Hinn's wife has filed for divorce. She got suspicious when he started exclusively treating yeast infections.

Woods Event
Tiger Woods is expected to use the term "I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused" at his news conference today. From now on, he promises to use more lubricant.

Woods Event II
Tiger Woods will not take questions and will only read from a prepared statement when he speaks publicly for five minutes at 11am today. It's kind of like when he books his favorite hookers for 15 minutes and isn't allowed to kiss them.

Toyoda is Coming
The good news is Toyota President Akio Toyoda will come to Washington to directly answer questions from Congress about his company's massive problems. The better news is he's going to drive a Camry with a stuck gas pedal right up the steps of the House of Representatives.

McCourt Divorce Battle
Dodger owner Frank McCourt is being accused of trying to hide some of his money from wife during their divorce battle. Of course, the best place to hide his money is right in the middle of Dodger Stadium sometime after the 7th inning... no one is around to see it then.

Obama to Vegas
President Obama is going to Las Vegas today to try to help Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's fading re-election hopes... it's either that or bet the treasury on the slots.

February 19th

1807: Former Vice President Aaron Burr is arrested for treason... making him America's one and only interesting vice president.

1847: The first group of rescuers reaches the Donner Party. The survivors ask for sharper steak knives and some A-1.

1985: Artificial heart recipient William J. Schroeder becomes the first such patient to leave the hospital. The others were healthy, but couldn't pay their bill.


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