Real Estate Woes
The bad news is the number of homes in foreclosure has jumped 15% from last year. The good news is if you lose your home, it's someone else's job to shovel the damn driveway.




If You Wreck It: They'll Go Away
A new report shows the illegal alien population in the U.S. fell by 1 million last year. It's not clear if this is because of the bad economy or because Lou Dobbs lost his job at CNN and now works for the border patrol.




EU Bails Out Greece
The European Union has agreed to bail out the nearly-bankrupt of Greece. In return, Greece is supplying the rest of Europe with low-cost gyros and cheeseburger deluxes for the rest of the year.



Jail Break
California is releasing 1,500 jail inmates early. The released prisoners include convicted thieves... but no one in California has any money left for them to steal now anyway.



Auschwitz Thief Caught
Swedish prosecutors say the suspect wanted for the theft of the Auschwitz sign has been arrested. This is what happens when you have a tourist attraction and no gift shop.





February 11th


1531: Henry VIII of England is recognized as supreme head of the Church of England. The second-in-command was the guy who was the King's wingman with the chicks.


1937: A sit-down strike ends when General Motors recognizes the United Auto Workers Union. Some of those strikers are still drawing pension benefits like free Viagra.


1978: The People's Republic of China lifts a ban on works by Aristotle, Shakespeare and Dickens. The Chinese people then decide that censorship is better.